You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
