Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
