it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
