plz talk dirty to me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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