Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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