Soap is not a condiment
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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