I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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