You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
