I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
