You work out of a Hotel?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
