It's Friday. Sex?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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