gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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