Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
