I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
