Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
