Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
NoShamevember. You game?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
