absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
