Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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