i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
how does that bad decision feel?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
