sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
being pregnant is like rehab
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
