When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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