I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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