Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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