his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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