It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
