I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
