Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
