Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
