White coat. Heels.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
