lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
40s are totally the cure
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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