who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
