How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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