he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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