I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
