A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
