I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
