who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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