he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
