We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My life is pants optional.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
