Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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