How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
