Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
