I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
