I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
