i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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