i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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