Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
