Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
