I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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