How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
