just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
