but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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