maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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