A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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