Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize