Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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