Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize