You work out of a Hotel?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
