my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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