he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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