come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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