Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
