I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
