therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
