if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
