I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize