I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
